» October 16, 2006: ANNOUNCEMENT:
As of today, World Domination Corp is a proud member of EVA.
After years of consideration for membership, the Faroe Island
job, although unsuccessful, finally sealed the deal. We are
now officially evil and recognized as such among the known evil
scociety.
They did mention that Ken's upcoming wedding is "sort
of girlie" but they think our submarine fleet is really
cool so they are willing to overlook it.
And...
We get pins!
"Victory shall yet be mine", Ken said when presented
with the news.
» October 14, 2006: Congratulations!
Operation lockdown was a huge success and everyone involved
gets a weekday off next week, as promised.
The staff here at headquarters wishes Ken and Anna happiness
in the future.
---
Urgent: Three unidentified individuals wearing white overalls
are suspected to be henchmen from Dr. Kjarnverk, Ken's nemesis.
Delta team X-R-732 is to run a background on these characters
ASAP.
» October 13, 2006: All systems
are go!
We have been cleared for operation lockdown
Saturday.
» October 12, 2006: Urgent!
Run a check on Milta and put together a profile.
--
Tonight at all our cinemas: Sound of music.
» October 11, 2006: Update.
It has come to our attention that the target we hit this morning
was not the Faroe islands, but a large seagull.
Our tactical division has suggested selecting larger targets
in the future to prevent mistakes of this kind but further investigation
brought to light our generals clearly said "Paris, France",
but somehow that came through as "The Faroe Islands".
In conclusion our launch team most likely have shit in their
ears, suffer from severe mental retardation or they might simply
be guests in this country. They will be dealt with appropriately.
-----
Just in: we are on standby for operation Lockdown this Saturday.
» October 11, 2006: Launch.
This morning at 0900 hrs WDC made an attempt to start WWIII. A
Matador-Mace nuclear warhead (bought from Ebay at an excellent
price) was launched from our secret lair at beautiful Trallebollefjord,
Sweden, hitting the Faroe Islands at 1022 hrs, blowing them to
smithereens.
The sole survivor, a senile fisherman, was watching from his boat
at a distance and described the sight as "Skelfilegur samfarir,
búkhljóð með síldardós í
göngugrind.", which roughly translates as "Majestic
and horrifying".
Now all we have to do is sit back and wait untill someone notices.
» September 1 - 4, 2006: Annual Security Conference In
Iceland.
We will be needing secondary rulers for the territories of Europe
and Australia soon. The job requires no talent, really, although
it must be a charismatic man, has to look good in a suit, be able
to wave gracefully to a crowd and comply with our orders.
Dr. Franklin Stein, Norway, has started a nation wide chimney
sweep. He has pointed out that enriching uranium ore is dirty
business, and we like to keep our environment clean like our prostitutes.
Do your part to help us attain WORLD DOMINATION in style. If you
earn environment points, Dr. Stein will bring you back to life
in case of an unexpected death*. Only 2.000.000.0000 points are
needed for this privilege.
*The death must take place in Oslo between 08:00
and 08:30 AM for this offer to be valid.
Margeir, Lillehammer's worst mistake, proved useful to eat our
garbage and return it as solid radium used to power our generators
in Svalbard.
» July
26 - 29, 2006: Feelings. Seminar At Columbia.
How to get in touch with your feelings, express them,
be who you really are. How to interpret and handle ‘negative’
feelings. Anger, for example, is telling you that your needs are
not being met. This indicates you should get more competent servants.
Sometimes we don’t feel safe expressing our feelings to
others, fearing rejection or being misunderstood. This issue can
be resolved effectively by assassination.
» July
13, 2006. URGENT
ANNOUNCEMENT:
Nigel, call your mother.
» July
9, 2006.
Lifur captured and killed. Kept frozen until further notice.
» June
22, 2006 - NEWS BULLETIN
Kenneth Bentley has been brought back to life by our very own
Dr. Franklin Stein.
Don't forget happy hour Friday at all our secret lair locations
between 21:00 and 23:00.
» June
11, 2006 - OMG THEY KILLED KENNY!
Dr. Franklin Stein is to contact headquarters ASAP.
» June
5, 2006 -ANNOUNCEMENT:
This memo reached headquarters moments ago, signed by Kenneth
Bentley himself.
The following people are not be harmed under any circumstances:
Anna. Anna's family, all of Anna's
friends, their families, their families' servants, their families'
servants' golf partners, and some guy I had a drink with at Keflavik
airport called Glumur.
» May 13
- 16, 2006: Clean Prostitutes. Lecture In Kazakhstan.
The principal factors contributing to the high incidence and spread
of venereal disease among henchmen in Kazakhstan are poverty in
civilian populations and widespread prostitution, the former contributing
significantly to the latter. Prostitution has long been a socially
and legally accepted profession in Kazakhstan. Prior to the end
of World War II prostitutes were licensed, organized, segregated
into districts, and some medical examinations were done.
Guest speaker: Borat Sagdiyev.
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